you've gotta' love it

William Shatner

speaks

like poetry

I wanted to disorient myself,

without drugs, without alcohol

I wanted to wake up with no idea where I was,

I wanted that feeling

of being somewhere you aren't supposed to be,

somewhere, outside your comfort zone

a sudden shock to remind me I'm still breathing

a state of panic to give me something to fix

something to worry about,

get my hands all nice and dirty

and to forget that there is nothing

but still, I wanted to be comfortable,

still, I wanted to be safe

I wanted to cheat and lie about it

so I quit sleeping,

awake at all costs

and one night, I see him

so I know it's time,

because I see him

I walk downstairs

and sit in the shower

Here, I fall asleep

to wake up in the morning

and wonder where I am

autumn passes, and still, you're too afraid to jump

or fall, depending on how you see it

right now, I'm only waiting for the frost

To pass the time,

I make up a story, in my head

I make it up because I want the feeling

of following a sign

Because I want the feeling

of being taken,

being lead somewhere important,

to discover something important

and be a part of anything

so I quit breathing

until my eyes get heavy

more so with thought than with fatigue

and I wonder...

[I don't know it,

but my head is bruised

against the floor]

finally, I start to wander

to find myself a rabbit,

or a hare, if I can't find one

I can't be too picky

when I find him, I run

fast,

hard,

without

stopping

in his direction

until he runs from me, afraid

where he runs, this is where I go

to be lead somewhere important

to discover something important

so long as I believe my story

Run your tongue in circles, to the ground and at the skies, for in the nonsense we reveal the most notorious of lies.

spit

Alone, the monster sings for whoever wants to listen

spit

Never hesitant to step on the spider, never thought once to ask for its name

spit