Monday, December 7, 2015

Oh Dio

Between wavering breaths, frantic with need, with desperation a warrior of three generations argues still, with the same conviction he held one prior. The only difference now is he uses fewer hand gestures. Today, his mamma-mia's come from a different place, his oh-Dio's not for God.

I write of sorrows with tears not justified by stone or ash. I tell of life and love that I have neither lived nor felt, while I grasp at limbs I've yet to lose. Already, I can feel the weight of loss, the taste of sorrow and funeral home; a phantom limb scratching at a phantom limb.


Off-guard is a good feeling. It's knowing that makes it hard.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Kinky Seussian Freestyle

Could use a distraction, some hot hussy action
So somebody please, I won't be a tease
it's dreadfully boring up here on my feet

Throw me a bone, I'll get down on my knees
or better yet, take this collar and leash.
Please, lock me up tight and swallow the keys.

Do what you will, Sir, I'm your little whore.
You can flog me until my bruised backside is sore.
I'm simply a cur, were I anything more
I wouldn't be waiting here, down on all fours.

And I know I can stand up and walk out that door
but Master, I'd rather be yours.

A Language Long Forgotten

Some kids are running circles around the clinic, buzzing with alien jabber and lighting up the room with a hope that comes from not knowing any better. At least, that's what most would say. But then, children speak a language long forgotten by most.

The wait doesn't feel as endless as it most often does, though the end is by no means in sight. Still, from behind their medical face masks people smile at one another, and so it doesn't feel so grey to be in wait. You can tell because their eyes squint up when you look at them, and you come to forget why it is you've been waiting here at all.

Maybe that's the point. Maybe that's the medicine we've all been missing.

The children are still circling the room, swinging from railings and making grand statements in a language they'll inevitably lose touch with. They run, with arms outstretched, as if to say "I'm flying," because their mouths cannot. They are unaware of the illness that pervades the air. At least, they don't seem to care.

They choose not to wear their masks, but not because they do not know what's good for them; they choose not to because keeping them on would inhibit their speech, cull their incoherent zest for life. So they take them off instead. Because what they have to say is more important. And because they have so much to say, even when we don't know enough to listen.

By now, the nurse has called your name and you're following her to your room. Your breath is heavy and moist against your own face. Careful not to spread disease, you resist the urge to pull the mask from your mouth. When you reach your room, you can still hear the children laughing.

The nurse instructs you to turn off your phone and take a seat, with a tone more suited to the military than any hospital. Still, you oblige with a pointed, "Yes, ma'am," and a smile. She returns a soft, "Please and thank you," and you get the impression she's been pleasantly caught off guard. Still, she returns a moment later to be certain you've obeyed.

Soon the children move to the room adjacent to yours. The door is closed, but you can tell from the periodic bangs and shrieks of laughter that they're still there. Occasionally, you hear the stern reminder of a fatherly figure, or less often, a laugh of his own. Even the nurse chimes in with a muffled, but undoubtedly cheerful, "You kids don't seem sick at all!" and you begin to wonder when it is a child loses their ability to instil such joy, or whether they have to lose it at all.

Worn

she sleeps to feel awake
and wakes when she should be asleep

she dreams of lakes, and fakes the right face
at the right time
emotion on a dime

her reactions are perfect, concisely timed
but not innate, she has to contemplate

it's been a while
since she hasn't had to calculate
the right way to smile
or just how many teeth to show
but you'd never know

Friday, May 23, 2014

Late Lessons for a Former Self

1. Don't rely on others to affirm your sense of self-worth.

2. Stop being the person you think is safe from hate and heartache. Don't be afraid to give kindness freely.

3. Happiness is only a finite resource if you cannot create it for yourself. Do what makes you happy, and kindly share your passion with the world.

4. You needn't compensate for an imagined lack of love by toughening your skin or building walls around your heart. Your compassion is a part of who you are, and burying it will do service to no one.

5. Don't be afraid to share your joy of spirit with others, and learn to acknowledge unfamiliar expressions of this joy in the world.

6. Don't bother internalizing the judgements of those who do not know you. A hateful opinion speaks more to the one relaying it than it ever will to who you are.

7. Who you become when you're most upset says as much about who you are as your most amiable self.

8. Being right is never the objective.

9. Remember that for as much hate and sadness as there is in this world, there is every bit as much love and joy to be experienced.

10. Share as much of both as you can muster, and be the force for good you'd like to see in the world.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

A rugged-looking fella was stumbling from left to right while trying to keep his footing on the train. He'd smile almost longingly at every person he'd pass, and each one would either smile awkwardly, or look down at their phone in an attempt to avoid conversation.

As he was approaching, I noticed he had a Joy Division shirt on, so I smiled and chuckled a little as he drunkenly shuffled over. I guess he took this as a friendly invitation, as he immediately gravitated toward me and popped a squat in the seats next to mine.

We spent the next five minutes talking about his alcoholism and how he was in the process of quitting. We talked about his ginger cat Duncan and how he eats better than him. He never asked for money or tried to sell me a sob story; it was just a short, friendly exchange.

I shook his hand as he stood up to leave. Before he did he looked me in the eye, smiled and told me he wasn't ready to kill himself yet. Then he got off the train.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the ride a little traumatized. But that man really made me appreciate just how far a little kindness can go.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Lacklustre Prince Dulling

Grazing through a field of family forgot
his mummy fed him scorn and pride
and then she left him there to rot

Without a kingdom to begot,
a throne of self-entitled shame,
and no one but his Lady Fortune
oh, Miss Fortune was her name

Locked away up in his tower
refusing to come down
he is safe within his head
and well guarded by his crown

Prince Dulling, on his hands and knees
ate shillings from the floor
by which, he swore his people would
adore their new king even more

For if he jingled as he walked
and clanked around the hips
they might not hear those silly words
that stumbled from his pretty lips

They called him mad, though he was sure
his frugal practice made him wiser
for when he needed legal aid
he'd be both bank and his advisor